Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
