I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
