my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
