Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I have post one night stand depression
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