There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
