He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize