"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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