I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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