Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
