He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize