I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
