i don't plan on having that self control this summer
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize