so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
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