I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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