I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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