you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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