I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
