Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
