party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
