Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize