i wish there were pregnant emoticons
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
