After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
