So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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