Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
