I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
