My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
