Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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