At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
