there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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