It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
