Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
