and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
