But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
