i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
