You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
