My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize