what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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