so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
