He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
