She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
