How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
