you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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