You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
