I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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