so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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