I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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