What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
