I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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