Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
