Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
