so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
