So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize