super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
