I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
