Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
