Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
