I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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