He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
