I should be sponsored by Trojan
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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