1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
