Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
