I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
