evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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