Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
