I wanna bring you to show and tell
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
