No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
