i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
