hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
