We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
