i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
