Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize