Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
