you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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