If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
