god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
