Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize