i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
