your parents love me but you hate me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
