Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
do herpes really smell.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
