I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
They took my balls.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
