I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize