A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
