some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He did a backflip because drugs
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
