can we get nightvision for the apartment?
a search helicopter?!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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