if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
