i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
