No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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