Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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