i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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