I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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